B'nei Mitzvah

Request a Date for Your Child's B'nei / Bat / Bar / Be Mitzvah

• Naming the Event
• Elements of a B'nei Mitzvah
• Religious School Attendance, Facilities Rental
• When a B'nei Mitzvah Occurs
• When a Date Can Be Requested
• When the B'nei Mitzvah Fee is Paid
• What is the B'nei Mitzvah Fee
• What is a Mitzvah Project

Having a B'nei / Bat / Bar / Be Mitzvah is about taking personal responsibility for one's Jewish journey. At Temple Israel of Alameda, we focus on each individual's spiritual growth. Generally, students attend at least two years of Religious School prior to their B'nei Mitzvah. During Religious School, they will learn Jewish values and begin to form their own Jewish identity. They will also learn the prayers they will be leading during their Shabbat service.

Why do we list so many names for this event?

Temple Israel of Alameda is committed to supporting all people on their spiritual journeys. We recognize that gender identity can be an important aspect of one's life. Therefore, female-identifying people might have a Bat Mitzvah ("daughter of the Mitzvah / commandment"). Male-identifying people might have a Bar Mitzvah ("son of the commandment"). Non-binary people might have a B'nei Mitzvah ("children (male, plural) of the commandment"). While there is a Non-Binary Hebrew Project, we recognize that the Hebrew language, by default, is a gendered language. Therefore, anyone who wishes to celebrate this occasion without reference to the gender-binary can choose to call it a Be Mitzvah. Some people bristle at the mashup of English and Hebrew in this phrase. Ultimately, the goal of the event is to embrace the idea of being commanded to live into a life of goodness and holiness. While the rest of this document will refer to the event as a B'nei Mitzvah, rest assured that we will personalize the name of the ceremony according to your child's choice. 

What are the elements of a B'nei Mitzvah?

Our students learn to lead a large number of prayers during Religious School. Once they are confident in their prayer leadership, they can begin the process of learning Torah portions and a Haftarah portion for their B'nei MItzvah. 

We offer an annual workshop after the High Holy Days for students and parents to review the B'nei Mitzvah requirements. We encourage families to take their time in scheduling a B'nei Mitzvah. It does not have to occur exactly around one's thirteenth birthday. Remember that dates in August through December will require weekly student and meetings during the summer, which may conflict with family plans. 

Families will receive a copy of the B'nei Mitzvah Handbook, which details the prayers that are normally led by a B'nei Mitzvah along with other standards.

Typically, each school year, the families having B'nei Mitzvah ceremonies will support one another, helping to provide food and drinks for the Oneg on the Friday night prior to each B'nei Mitzvah. Our Social Hall is available for luncheons or dinners following a B'nei Mitzvah. Celebrations can also continue at off-site locations. If an off-site location is chosen, families provide challah and wine / grape juice for Kiddush on Shabbat morning. 

Does my child have to attend religious school?

Our general policy is to encourage children to attend at least two years of Religious School prior to their B'nei Mitzvah. Judaism is an ethno-religion and developing a sense of Jewish community is as important as any individual accomplishment.

We also recognize that moving to a new geographic location or coming to this process later in adolescence requires flexibility on our part. 

Our primary goal is to support all Jews on their spiritual journeys.

When does a B'nei Mitzvah occur?

We celebrate a B'nei Mitzvah during a Shabbat Shacharit service. These services occur on Saturday, starting at 10:30 a.m. The B'nei Mitzvah is also expected to co-lead Kabbalat Shabbat service on the Friday prior to their B'nei Mitzvah. A B'nei Mitzvah can be scheduled August through June. Unfortunately, we cannot schedule a B'nei Mitzvah on a Jewish holiday or during the month of July. 

When can I request a B'nei Mitzvah date?

Members of Temple Israel of Alameda can request a date for their child's B'nei Mitzvah when their child is in the fifth grade. 

When do I pay the B'nei Mitzvah fee?

A family can begin paying the B'nei Mitzvah fee as soon as a date is confirmed. Installment payments can be done over one, two, or three years. The fee must be paid in full at least two months prior to the simcha.

There is no cost for Temple Israel members to request a service date. However, families must be members in good standing (not lapsed or former), and the program fee must be paid in advance to ensure we can appropriately compensate the tutor and service leader.  Please note that dates are subject to change. As a small congregation, we have a lot of flexibility in scheduling B'nei Mitzvah ceremonies. We have often found it beneficial to postpone ceremonies in order to provide students with ample time to fully embrace their responsibility for their Judaism. Our primary goal is to make this a meaningful event and to minimize stress on the child. 

What is the fee for a B'nei Mitzvah?

For the 2025-2026 Fiscal Year, the fee is $2,500. 

This fee includes:

1. Six months of weekly instruction to learn prayer service,  Torah portions and a Haftarah (Prophetic) portion with Director of Education, Dr. Jenn Levine
2. Three months of weekly conversations (in person or via Zoom) with the Service leader to understand one's portion and develop a D'var Torah (words of Torah, a sermon).
3.  A facility fee.

*If additional tutoring is recommended after the Hebrew evaluation, we will create a plan for your child and explain any additional fees. 

What is a Mitzvah Project?

A Mitzvah Projects is a social action or community service project for the B’nei Mitzvah student to put their Jewish values and identity into practice. Becoming a B'nei Mitzvah symbolizes becoming personally responsible for one's involvement in the Jewish community. A Mitzvah Project is a way for B’nei Mitzvah students to express a unique way that they are actively helping to improve their community. [Adapted from the BJE Parents Guide.]

Recognizing that our students often have extremely busy schedules, Temple Israel provides opportunities for our teenagers to do community service collectively throughout the year. We find it beneficial to engage in collective action as a way to remind ourselves that our actions are multiplied when we do them collectively. Therefore, we do not require a Mitzvah Project to be completed prior to a B'nei Mitzvah.

If your family wants to complete a Mitzvah Project, we are happy to support your decision.

Here are some resources for choosing a Mitzvah Project:

• Parents Guide to Mitzvah Projects (pdf), by the Bureau of Jewish Education in partnership with the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles
• How to Choose a Mitzvah Project, by Naomi Eisenberger on My Jewish Learning
• Mitzvah Project Ideas by Rebecca Cohen on Amen v' Amen

Request a Date for Your Child's B'nei / Bat / Bar / Be Mitzvah